Imagine cameras zooming in as a rooster of magnificent plumage ascends to the podium, but instead of spewing platitudes, the talking head casts nervously about, as if cats lurked behind the bunting. Checking the stage for earwigs on national TV does not boost the confidence of one’s constituency, and they come to doubt your ability to rescue them following a hurricane.
The chicken is not the only bird unsuited for mass media. The hawk perched on a powerline evokes wiretaps, the wide-eyed owl blinking “who, me?” makes us wonder if there’s cold cash stashed in the office freezer. We know the nuthatch flitting from branch to branch can’t spell tomato, and the bushtit, by virtue of it’s name alone, brings to mind the Monkey Business and fact-finding trips to Argentina.
On the other hand, the hummingbirds who convene annually at our feeder, would do well in Congress, as they quarrel continuously, and despite the ruckus, manage to sneak in & siphon off a little syrup for themselves from time to time. A turkey will never head a presidential ticket, but by virtue of it’s name, and native roots, could make an admirable vice-president.
Benjamin Franklin denigrated the character of the bald eagle, but it’s nomination for the national bird was visionary. How can we not be impressed by its furrowed brow and intense gaze? It’s tongue may not be golden, but it’s beak certainly is. Instead of dropping into the convention by parachute, it soars in through an open window, circles above the frenzied delegates & lights on the dais before the microphones. Our hearts catch in our throats as it stares into the camera. We love this bird! Reporters may notice the stench of dead fish, but we’re in no mood for their ungrateful grumbling.
Coo, coo, ca choo!
My favorite line: "I find myself reflecting on how the chicken is poorly suited for modern politics." Ha!
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